“Should have left after lunch.”

Two weeks ago I had met this amazing human.

Little did I know that simple “late lunch” plans on a rainy Sunday afternoon, would result in my world being flipped upside down; giving me a different perspective on life and the people that inhabit it. I can tell you after this experience that I truly believe people are put in your life for a reason.

One Blue Point Toasted lager and a perfectly cooked medium rare burger later, three hours passed and I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to this stranger. We had then ventured to a Costume Store in hopes to find a shark costume in honor of Halloween being just around the corner and I, myself having this strange desire to be a predator of the sea. After walking out with no shark costume and slight disappointment, the night was still young in New York City and so were we (easily the lamest thing I’ve ever written, dear god). The city lights had then lead us to our second to last stop “White Oak Tavern” (I recommend their Old Fashioned) after covering every subject matter in the book; from likes, dislikes, fears, stupid facts, music and domesticating a wild squirrel on his end (If that isn’t the most Floridian thing I have ever heard in my damn life, I don’t know what is).

Blaming Bulleit Bourbon for my lack of classy, female vocabulary and saying “balls deep” during a normal conversation I felt as though this wasn’t the note I wanted to leave on, nor remember me by. So the night carried on and he had showed me a plethora of different bands, but one in particular had stuck out to me.

After spending a total of 20 hours with this person we had parted ways and he was back on a flight across the country. The first moment I had truly began to ” fly by the seat of my pants” I think that’s how the saying goes…Was when he had texted me the next day saying the band I had found a high interest in was going to be in Brooklyn that weekend. After I read that I had immediately purchased a ticket; never going to a concert alone but always wanting to; this was my opportunity. The night had arrived and I had went, and let me tell you it was the most magical experience a person can do with themselves; be alone in a crowd of strangers who appreciate the same music as you do. There was a moment when I just closed my eyes and felt like everything in my life was at a calming equilibrium.

48 hours after I had met this person and knowing him for a total of 20 hours; I had ended up buying a plane ticket to fly across the country to hang out with this cool ass dude one last time. Many of my friends thought I had lost my damn mind, most of them thought I was going to end up on a episode of Dateline (fair) and some of them had supported the craziness that is myself. After taking a chance and hopping on a plane; I spent 4 epic days getting to know this stranger who I have come to realize has a bigger heart and is a better person than myself. Today; an incredible moment happened. As I was thinking about my awesome weekend; I said to myself “Be as good as a person as he is.” I was walking down to go get my laundry and a little elderly woman was also doing her delicates had started to chat with me; if you know me well enough, you know I have my headphones in every second of the day. Today, I took them out of my ears and I got to know this woman, finding out she was 78 years old and lived on the 5th floor of my building and still does her 87 year old husbands laundry (bless her heart). I had offered to take her laundry up to her apartment for her and her response was “I’ve lived in this building for 42 years and no one has ever offered that.”. After barely making it up to the fifth floor (on my end, she was cruisin’) she said “God bless you.” At that very moment I had realized why I had met this man who I will probably never see again; I met this human to remind me to always be a better person than myself.

If there is one thing I hope someone gets out of reading this is don’t let the bad in other people take away from an opportunity to get know a complete stranger.

Take chances, follow your gut and do things that may make other people question you. I can promise you, you’ll meet some amazing people and experience many moments that you will forever be grateful for.

“Tootially.”

-B

Clarity.

So on this rainy Monday afternoon I decided to sit down and read all of my past blog entries starting from three years ago.

Can I just say the one thing that shocked me the most was the fact that I actually said  “I enjoy my job.” when I was talking about being a waitress. Flash back to last night to me asking Jose’ our food runner at my current place of employment to “Do me a favor, and hit me in the face with this plate as hard as you can around 9:00.” I would say my 19 year old self had a little more patience at the time of serving endless soup, salad, and bread sticks to the hungry people of Racine.

Looking back on my first blog after taking that leap and moving back to New York. I can sit here, on my twin sized bed (still) that I’ve done exactly what I wanted to do. I’ve worked at 5 different places, I’ve created my “movie moments”, I’ve met some pretty incredible people that I call my friends now, I’ve been on dates, Jesus also rose again after that happened, I’ve injured myself (didn’t want that to happen, but unfortunately we all know that was inevitable, City Md in the UES knows me by name and injury/illness now), I’ve eaten at some truly outstanding restaurants, I’m able to get around New York better than I’m able to in Kenosha, Wisconsin, I’ve seen some beautiful views, I’ve been able to show my friends from Wisconsin the life I live and love, I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad, I’ve been stressed, I’ve learned so much about people and myself; I wouldn’t trade any of the moments I’ve shared with people, the things I’ve gotten to see, and the experiences that have made me a stronger and better person for anything in the world.

The one thing that I’m finally starting to figure out about life is we make it way more difficult than it needs to be, and worrying about little things will never help you in the end it will just end up hurting you and you’ll probably just feel like a shithead later in life for wasting your time and energy worrying about whatever your worrying about. We are the author, the editor, and the publisher of our own book. We are in charge of our daily decisions and our choices, we are in charge of our own happiness and I feel like until people realize that life will always be just as difficult as we make it out to be.

Let in the little things in life. Whatever they are, or who they are, let these little things and these little moments make a lasting impression on you. So many people in New York tell me I’m way too happy, and too nice, and I get too excited so easily about the stupidest shit sometimes. It’s true, I do, and it’s because of these little things, but waking up healthy every morning, living in a city that makes you who you are and a better version of who you want to be, why would I not be so excited?  Even if I tell Jose to hit me in the face with a ceramic plate and fight the STRONG urge to bitch out some rude people here and there.

Life isn’t perfect. It’s what you make out of it to make it as perfect as it can be.

I think this year is gonna be a good one, and it’s only March 14th.

Cheers.

Chapter Four: Anything is possible.

This morning I woke up and walked out into my sunshine filled kitchen, smiled from cheek to cheek, looked up, saw the massive part of our ceiling still missing, frowned a bit and continued on with my morning routine. I walked down the stairs, opening the apartment front door, walking out to a view of a bustling city; Taxis cruising by, joggers getting in their daily exercise, and an elderly man standing in front of his corner deli, sipping on a coffee as I was on my way to the gym. How blessed am I to be able to see these things? To be able to see and take in every moment of every day, even the crumbling dry wall currently falling from our ceiling and be able to really appreciate all of the beauty that is New York City.

There’s something that just really amazes me about this city. The people; There are so many of them, and each and every person holds their own story and their own pen. Sometimes life spills white out on some peoples pages and they aren’t able to see their own work. There’s one man in certain that I am just so incredibly inspired by every time I see him. I see this man about two to three times a week in the gym lobby; either with his trainer or without his trainer, heading up to the gym.  I don’t know his name, his age, if he has any family, if he enjoys food as much as I do? Nothing; All I know is he is blind, and has a guide dog.

Today he was walking into the gym at the same time I was. I watched him effortlessly walk into the doors and head to the elevator as I made my way to the locker room. As I finally got to my bike and started peddling away I saw this man make his way to the gym equipment.  One of the bikes to be specific, at first he went the wrong way, well the long way I should say. He made it up half way on one of the ramps and then changed his mind and turned around and started heading to the other ramp. He gradually made his way to one of the bikes across from me.  He adjusted his seat, got on the bike, put his feet into both straps and started peddling just as fast as I was. I was so blown away by this man that I stopped peddling and just sat there and thought to myself there is absolutely no excuse in this world to do something you want to do in life. This man wants to work out, and my god not even losing his vision will stop him. As I began to peddle again, everything became so clear to me. Anything in life is possible…If you want it badly enough. A man is working past his incapability to be able to see, so he can make his way to the gym to be able to work out just as most of us do as simple as we tie our shoes. I’m starting to realize more and more life is about what you WANT to make of it, not WHAT you think you’re capable of, because honestly we’re all capable of anything and we just don’t know it.

Take sometime and just be with yourself, turn your phone off, shut off your music and really think what do you truly want out of this life? What will make you feel so satisfied with the life that you lived when you’re 80 or 90 years old, sipping on your coffee and thinking about everything you did with your life, not everything you could of done. It could be the biggest of things to the littlest of things, but those little things can slip past you so quickly because unfortunately time doesn’t stop for us.

I know some of you may be reading this thinking “Well, I don’t have the money to do what I want to do.” I get that, I really do.  You really think I had the money to just pick up and move to New York? Hell no. It took me two years of being a waitress at Olive Garden and saving my incredibly low income to know I would be comfortable (expense wise) the first few months of living in New York.

So next time you think something is holding you back from something you really want to do, think about this incredibly driven blind man, and if that doesn’t give you the drive to get off your ass and go after it. I don’t know what will. See it, go after it. This man couldn’t see his bike but that didn’t stop him from riding it.

Appreciate and be so thankful for your sense of sight, every morning you wake up and you’re able to see what’s in front of you, because there are so many people that can’t.

Chapter Three: Getting To Know Each Other

It was Saturday 12:23 AM, so it was Sunday…Apartment 5S was filled with Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream ( American Dream flavor to be specific), Beer, a hint of freshly sprayed “Christmas Pine” air freshener (Provided by SC Johnson, a family company) , and 4 girls filled with laughter, wonder, and disappointment in the male race. Little did they know that their chill night of ice cream, beer, and early holiday cheer (from some) would soon turn into an actual shit show; literately.

Specific names will not be mentioned during this story for reasons of mild public embarrassment.

As one of the females entered the bathroom…Hour’s later (totally kidding maybe like 4 minutes give or take a few) she exited…Another female had then entered and came out seconds after she flushed the toilet in uttermost fear saying “Your shit just plugged the toilet and the water is rising!”  As the other three girls jump up preparing themselves for the possible tsunami that was about to happen, Halie then runs to the bathroom grabs the plunger and starts going to town! I swear this girl looked like she did when she wanted to get the hell out of Brooklyn on Friday night. As she’s attempting to plunge, she starts to say the words I was so petrified to hear. “GUYS! IT’S NOT WORKING ITS GOING ON THE FLOOR; THE SHIT IS ON THE FLOOR.” Then I break into an IMMEDIATE cold sweat, thinking of the bacterial mess that is currently happening in our home. To give you a clear picture of what the bathroom looked like. Picture the scene from “Along Came Polly” when Ruben clogs the toilet and uses a luffa as a plunger. I honestly was at the same point of also saying “I’ll adopt a Somalian kid, or I’ll work in Calcutta” while this was all happening. Anyways, subtract the luffa and add three females, a plunger, and a kitchen bowl and now all of us in actual laughing hysterics because we had no clue what in the hell to do.

Then the light bulb of Halie Nicola had turned on and said “Grab the bowl, open the window, I did this shit in Harlem. We’ve got to throw the shit out of the window.” Seconds after hearing this I, Bianca Bisciglia, witnessed my roommate throw actual shit and toilet water out of our bathroom window as the sentence “Jesus, I hope there isn’t a homeless man down there.” Come out of her mouth. As then my smart ass can’t help respond with “Well he’d be shit out of luck tonight.”

As the living nightmare continues one of the females comes plowing into the bathroom filled with so much laughter at the scene she was witnessing the words of “OH NO I HAVE TO PEE, I CAN’T HOLD IT.” I’m now on the verge of extreme panic of thinking and knowing what she’s about to do. This girl hops in the tub as laughter had sprung out as well as urine and other bodily functions that were yes now in our tub; If you know me well enough you’ll know what my current mental state was at this given moment. As I run out of the bathroom pinching myself, praying to Mother Mary that this was a nightmare and I’d wake up from it. As a bruise is forming, I grab my phone and find an Emergency Plumbing service and say in extreme disparity to Linda at “Roto-Rooter” on the other line “We need a plumber right now, right now, our toilet over flowed and its everywhere. We don’t know what to do!” I say this as if Linda was about to pull some David Blaine magic over the phone and fix our toilet and clean our floor and figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. To wrap this story up, the “Emergency 24/7” plumber never showed until 4 o’clock PM the NEXT day. I will say that I do feel bad that poor Steve had to come back TWICE because the water was rising threw out the day…Later finding out the issue of the toilet had needed to be fixed since the last people had lived here.

What I’ve realized with exceptional clarity throughout these past 48 hours is, you’re truly not roommates until you witness one throwing their shit out of the window, as the other one is peeing and laughing in the tub. Let’s just say we all got a little closer that night.

Hoping we don’t all get pink eye.

B, OUT.

Chapter Two: The Final Move

After four days of blood, sweat and tears and stress eating my way to the next season of The Biggest Loser I have finally moved into my 5^th floor, Upper East Side, walk up apartment with my two roommates; Amy Jo and Halie (Who just booked her first off Broadway show, HUGE props too her). Amy Jo is one of the bartenders at my current job at The Growler. Not knowing Amy Jo for too long, I’m starting to realize she is the type of person that can get lost, get caught in a tsunami like storm, have a tourist give her a poncho, and still walk into work soaked head to toe, sporting a garbage bag, with a smile on her face. For me and I feel like many others, she’s a great reminder to remember that we shouldn’t let the little things get the best of us. I met Halie through Amy Jo, Halie works at the restaurant across the street from us called Ulysses (Their Mac & Cheese is on POINT). If you didn’t know Halie, you’d feel like you’ve been friends with her for years the first time you were to ever meet her. She could make a homeless man feel at home, honestly though.

As timing had finally been on my side I was lucky enough to have my parents here to help me move this time around and calm me down in moments of mild mental breakdowns due to the concept of moving in New York. I often wonder what I did in a past life to be so fortunate to have the parents I do. These two have done everything and more for me in my short lifetime of 21 years and counting. There isn’t one thing I’ve done or wanted to do that they haven’t giving me 100 percent support for. I feel like if anyone needs anything in their life the most its support. In good times, bad times, hard times, and confusing times all someone needs is to just have someone be there, not always physically, but just be there for them, in whichever way they may need at the time. In my case I have two amazing “someone’s” that I’m lucky enough to call mom and dad. The day I moved in a friend from Kenosha was also in New York at the time, so being the angelic man he is he decided to help out that day.  Not only did he help me move all my boxes up the 5 flights of stairs he was also there to pick me up as New York took me down. Seriously, I like to call it the “Third Flight Fall”. As I was casually caring up one of my many boxes that happened to block my line of vision as I was walking up the stairs, rounding the third flight…The stair had caught my foot and I took a nose dive right into the wall, thank god for the box acting as an airbag or I would have been the next Owen Wilson with several breaks to the nose. As I lay there in despair, pain and laughter I heard a voice from afar…“Yo. Are you okay girl??”  As I looked up and reassured the kind man that I was indeed okay, I knew at that point I had just made my grand entrance to the Upper East Side.

What will tonight bring me? What will tomorrow bring me? What will this month bring me? What will this year bring me? Will I get rained on again tomorrow?  Will another homeless man ask for my number? These are the questions I wonder before I hit the sheets at night….in my bed. Yeah, that’s right. Home girls got an actual bed now.  That’s the thing about living in New York or honestly I feel anywhere you just pack your shit up and move too; You never know what life is about to bring you, until the moment it hits you square in the face and protects you from a cement wall in front of you.

“New York, your lows are the lowest but the highs are the highest. Isn’t that why we’re all here? To experience those highs.” – Sanket Karuri

Until next time.

B, OUT.

Chapter One: The First Move

Today a man and I we’re waiting for the six train to arrive and as we saw it speeding in we both got up and got our belongings together and we’re ready to board…As the full speed train flew right past us and never stopped. We both looked at each other and busted out into laughter because we both imagined how stupid we probably just looked; Ready and eager to finally get to where we needed to be, staring straight ahead, as the train just gave zero shits and flew past us as we then starred into now empty space with utter disappointment and extreme awkwardness and now not knowing what to do besides laugh. Now picture a day full of this exact feeling of stupidity, awkwardness, and struggle, combined into ONE six foot tall, 115 pound female on a solo mission to move all of her shit from a Union Square apartment to a now Park Avenue apartment (with Wi-Fi).

When first arriving in New York, I was blessed with the opportunity to live with a friend of a family member and her two little sock puppet like dogs that I will surprisingly miss. I got to stay there for no cost, and it was only a few blocks away from Union Square in a beautiful high rise apartment. I knew I had to be out of her place and find a place to live before October 1^st, little did I know September was going to fly by me before I realized it was 9 o’clock (“On a Saturday… The regular crowd shuffles in…”) If you didn’t catch that we can’t be friends…ANYWAYS, at night and it was September 30^th and my roommates and I were still waiting to hear back on the note of if we had been accepted for our apartment or not. So now I had to find a place to crash for maybe the next 48 hours with all of my shit. Thankfully my Grandma has been hard at work and had blessed me (once again) with a new amazing and extremely successful friend (also my life coach) who was nice enough to let me crash at her place until all of my apartment stuff is settled. So today at 1:00 in the afternoon Bianca Bisciglia experienced moving in New York City for the first time, with the moving crew listed below:

Moving Crew for Bianca Bisciglia (Round 1) : October 1, 2014

• Bianca Bisciglia

 

 

1 white girl with 2 Eggo Waffles digesting, 6 boxes, 1 large red suit case, 2 large bags, 1 laundry basket, 1 backpack, and a purse; Ipod game was strong and it was time and there was no other option than to go to the mattresses (Ah that reminds me, got to get a mattress.). I honestly can’t imagine what was going through the minds of many people I crossed paths with today, especially the new door man every time I entered the building (6 times total) sweating profusely, struggling with a heavy box, and doing nothing but looking like a mental case and laughing because seriously at this point of still not knowing if we got accepted for our apartment and possibly being a broke, single, white lady, sent off to the Projects,  and now moving from one place to another in less than one month…What else can you seriously do but laugh?

After 2 “Lyft” rides, 1 taxi ride, 1 protein bar, 4 subway rides, a total of 2 miles of fast past walking, 6 awkward smiles to the new door man, and 16 times in an elevator,  it was 5:30 PM and I, by myself had successfully moved ALL of my stuff with only spending a total of $12.00. I can’t help but say, in that moment, I felt like such a G. 5 months ago I was probably sitting in my kitchen eating god knows what would I have ever thought that I would actually be doing something like this and not think twice about having to do it. Yesterday, I was filling out paper work at a realtors’ office in Times Square with one of my roommates. Today, I moved…And I found out I’ll be moving one last time to the Upper East side of Manhattan because ladies and gentleman WE GOT THE APARTMENT AND MY ASS WON’T BE GOING TO THE PROJECTS!  So, I’m a little dramatic…

So many things can happen in 24 hours, take in every moment, even when you’re in tears and thinking you can’t physically move all of this shit by yourself and still not having a clue if you’ve been accepted for a place to permanently live…Because in those moments of thinking your weak, you’ll realize just how strong you really are.

Until the final move.

 

            B, OUT.

New York

So let me break it down for you. About three weeks ago, I decided to do a 360 with my life and move back to New York. There comes a time in your life when you need to do something. You may not know why you need to do it at the time, but you have to trust everything inside of you to just do it. I promise you, you will know the exact feeling I’m talking about as soon as it hits you, because when it does finally hit you, you don’t see any other option but that one.  I needed to move back to New York. So I did.

“So what’s your plan? Are you going to School? What’s your major” The conversation starters of the century. For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan. I’m on the non-plan plan. The only plan I have right now is I plan on having a waffle tomorrow morning and hell maybe even throw in a doughnut…or six.  Am I going to school? No, because I want to pick something that I know I will and want to put 100% of my effort into, and at the moment I don’t know what that is, but I know I will find out sooner or later because everyone does. I don’t think people understand when someone says to me “Here, pick from this list of majors/minors and then pick a career.” Honestly, I can’t even pick out an outfit for work that has to consist of all black and they want me to pick something that semi interests me and I could “hopefully” get a job from. I’ve got a better chance of meeting Jesus on the subway…I mean yeah he may be asking for money as he’s shouting out bible verses, but hey whatever works man.

Right now, at this very moment of my life, what interests me is New York. Living life, creating moments, eating food I’ve never tried before, going on adventures, meeting new people, being a waitress and serving food to Wall Street men who think they are god’s gift to this earth when in reality they are nothing but a lonely, tailored suit at a bar (this doesn’t really interest me at all actually, but home girls got make some money), getting lost on the daily (CityMappers App soon to fix this ongoing problem) maybe I’ll date (AHH GOODLUCK *Voice from Taken*), but most importantly, creating MY story. There’s nothing more that I want in life than to be able to look back on it and NOT have regret dwindling over my shoulder and the want to kick my own ass because of something I didn’t do. I know if wouldn’t of moved back to New York now, I never would of, and just the thought of that kills me inside, because I can’t imagine on how much life I would of missed out on. In only the past three weeks of being back in New York I’ve already met some truly awesome people that I look forward to bringing into my life, reunited with some close friends and picked up where our friendship had left off, got a job that lets me eat for free (SO RAD!!!), experienced my own movie moments, and of course, ate a shit ton of delicious food that’s broke my bank already. Has it personally been hard for me to deal with the fact that I made the decision to not be in school at the moment? Yes. Why?  Because everyone and their mothers are currently in school and are going after something they want. After obsessively thinking about this current issue; I’ve realized I went after something I wanted and I’m exactly where I need to be. I don’t know where this journey is going to take me, but it’s all about enjoying the ride along the way, and yo my hands are up!

Chapter 1: Soon to be written.

B, OUT.

“When life hands you lemons…”…Yeah I actually don’t know.

Is it just me or does anyone else hate that damn saying about lemons?

1.) Life does not actually hand you lemons at any point during it…Maybe a lemon wedge at the bar I should be at tonight.

2.) Everyone has their own individual mind on what you should do with a lemon when it’s handed to you. For example: “When life hands you lemons, you ask for tequila.” Good one? So original….The classic. “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.” Well what if you don’t like lemonade? That person is obviously not going to make it. Lastly the one I came up with a long time ago “When life hand you lemons, you hand that shit back and ask for a doughnut.” Why? Because doughnuts are the shit, especially when they are loaded with rainbow sprinkles. Not the brown chocolate sprinkles. Rainbow, there’s a difference.

3.) I don’t care enough about this saying to write a third reason.

Today, life handed me a train. A train to Chicago for an audition I’ve been waiting for and even contemplating weather or not I should go to it. Typical b, questioning her own talent (and yes third person was necessary). Anyway’s I had finally decided that I would committee to something, stick with it, and go to the audition. I woke up this morning in a fabulous mood, like I could take on the world simply by creating laughter or any sort of emotion using the art of acting. My morning was running more smoothly then normal. The sun was out, my heart rate did not fluctuate after my second cup of coffee, my waffle was slightly toasted, not burnt, my hair turned out majestic, and I actually put together a semi cute outfit; as much as I could do for an audition. Life was grand.

My train departed at 2:10, I arrived at the train station at 1:55. Perfect. The train had arrived, I got out of the car, headphones in as the newly discovered song of Hardwell feat. Matthew Koma (dudes got some rad pipes) track called “Dare You”. Twas very appropriate song for the time. As I was becoming numb from the bitter wind chill, the sun beating on my face, losing hearing in the best way possible, I had this sense of being kind of scared, while also knowing I could do this,  and that I actually wanted this. I wanted something, and I was going after it.

Train ride was going swell, channeling my inner Tina Fay and Amy Poehler. While also taking deep breaths and holding myself back from throwing and elbow to the kid sitting behind me kicking my seat. The mother of these four children that were all sitting behind me, was quite a scary lady. As she casually started yelling at everyone on the train to “Turn around and mind yo own damn business!” “Sorry we ain’t white and we know how to punish our kids! SHIT!” Man, does she sound like a really great gal. Hope her kids are doing well.  We are now around 100 feet away from Ogilvie Train Station and the train comes to a sudden halt. I wasn’t too worried, it always stops for about a minute before it pulls into the station. Knowing this from going every Saturday to Chicago for the past 2 months, I wasn’t breaking a sweat. Its now 3:33 and I’m starting to panic. I send my mom and my friend Luke (who was also auditioning and was already there) a very calm text message saying the train has stopped for more then 3 minutes. LOL JK I was freaking shit in the text, all caps and everything. It’s now 3:39, I’m tearing up (I’m an emotional person) because I know it takes me at least 12-15 minutes to get to the place, but then I’m thinking to myself I can still make this if I run like a psychopath threw this station and into a taxi. I did just that, you should of seen some of the looks I got. CLASSIC.

I arrive at my audition at 3:58, sweating, panting, looking like an actual dog. I see my friend Luke, I run to him, and he tells me to go to the lady and tell her I’m her because they just gave away my spot! I did just that. The response I got back from her made me have one of those visions of drop kicking someone in the face, after they speak. “Oh yeah I’m sorry, I gave up your spot to someone on the waiting list, you weren’t here at 3:55 when we last called. We will try our best to get you in the 4:30 time slot.”  Long story short, I didn’t get into the 4:30 audition, and never got to audition.

Today was the day that there was nothing else I could believe in then another stupid saying, but it was the only faith I had left for this god for saken day. “Everything happens for a reason.” As much as the other half of me is so upset, so frustrated, and questioning if things really do happen for a reason or is that just something we do to protect ourselves. That’s my pessimistic side, I started this day being optimistic and I will end it that way as well. That train stopped for a reason. I know it. Who know’s maybe I would of yacked my brains out on stage or something, and we all know how much I hate puking.

Life is about lessons, the lesson I learned today is to take a two hour earlier train, because you always must expect the unexpected.

Til next time.

B

Live. Laugh. Love…LOL JK that saying blows. Just be Spontaneous yo.

Get this, I got out of bed to write this blog. So hopefully this shit turns out pretty good, or I wasted probably about an hour of solid sleep for nothing.

Many thing’s had happened tonight, including casual day dream flashbacks. Everything that had happened, eventually turned around to how being able to be spontaneous is a pretty damn awesome attribute to have. A really great co-worker of mine had told me a fabulous quote tonight, after mentioning how I’m trying to train my brain to stop trying to plan my future and start living each and every burning second of every moment and just be here, in the present. Anyway’s here’s the quote “Nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit than a secured future.” Still reading it now, I’m just baffled Jeffy. It’s so true. Anytime I’m thinking about my future and worrying about choosing the wrong choice rather then the right one, I turn into this stress ball that I would personally like to beat the shit out of. Kind of like Benny (The Jet) from the Sandlot when he get’s that solid hit and like bust the ball open. That’s besides the point, the point is…well hopefully were going to find that out at the end of this blog.

My brother had bought me a book for Christmas. Yes, you did read that right. It was a book. It was a book I read in 24 hours. My god was it a Christmas Miracle in the Bisciglia house. I READ NOW! Anyway’s its called Improv Wisdom, and it’s pretty much changed my life for the better. I love improv and I just got done taking some classes at Second City in Chicago because I missed being able to be spontaneous and not over think my each and every move. This book has opened my eyes and has made me realize that living life like an improv scene is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. Your ego goes away, anything that you thought that matters in life (when in actuality doesn’t at all) goes away, and your able to live in the moment but still having a filter on some of your thoughts and actions because well you don’t want to be an asshole or creep anyone out to an uncomfortable level unless your an actor because that shit’s pretty normal.

As I was thinking about all of this, I had a flash back to being at a party once and yes I was mildly intoxicated at this event but hey what’s life without a little liquor here and there. Going back to my flash back: I was at this party and this guy…Lets call him Tom for his personal protection of me sharing this story. Anyway’s myself and Tom had started to do an improv scene for shits and gigs (Insider: He acts, so he knew all the in’s and out’s about improv) then in the middle of the scene he pulls me in for a kiss! Got to admit, what a sly fox, obviously didn’t see that coming in an airport (scene of choice for all you actors out there). As he continues with the scene this is whats running through my mind at that current moment: Nothing. He had left me speechless and let me tell you folks it takes a lot to shut me up and leave me speechless. This moment. These are the moments everyone should live for, I’m not saying go do an improv scene and start making out with someone. I’m talking about the moments that you would never see coming, something you didn’t plan (not talking about teenage pregnancy, use protection), a moment that leaves you speechless because you are just so caught up in the present that words can’t do it justice. This is living in the moment people. Let me tell you it’s a hell of a lot better then stressing about the future that could change instantly for the bad or the good.

Keep in mind though people. When living in the moment, you do have to keep that little voice in your head on a medium volume that’s telling you not to do something when all you want to do is whatever you want to do at that moment (you know what I mean). That little voice can either hurt you or help you in the end, all it’s trying to do is look out for you and your best interest for the sake of you and everyone that surrounds them self around you. Then again if your heart beats louder then the voice in your head, you probably won’t even be able to hear that little voice.

At the end of the day guy’s do what’s best for you but don’t hide behind a menu. Live every moment to the absolute fullest even if it gets your heart raising a bit. You’ll someday realize that those moments of loud heart beats, a little fear and a lot of spontaneity will be the moments that mean the most to you and who ever was involved, and the moments you will never forget.

Come one….COME ALL!

Yeah, I don’t know I’ve just always wanted to say that.

Ending time: 1:56 AM

Que *Take On Me* by A-Ha

PEACE.

The Many Sides Of You…

Have you ever been asked to do something and it was something you knew you couldn’t do? Not because it was something bad, but because you knew nothing about it or maybe you didn’t think you were capable of doing this something. Well. I’ve been working on a research paper for one of my classes and it’s called “Push Ups over Paxil”  it’s how I believe that intense exercise is a better form of an antidepressant than the drug Paxil. Anyway’s one night I was really putting forth my best foot, I really thought I was just doing a fabulous job and everything was coming together rather nicely. I had then asked my mom and my brothers rather intelligent girlfriend who I know would tell me the brutal truth on what I had to work on. After she and my mother had finished reading it, I asked if they had any constructive criticism. They both did, and lucky they did or my teacher would have been the one to tear it apart and I wouldn’t of learned anything from them doing so.

Krista (my brothers awesome girlfriend) had told me to use a different word instead of constantly throwing around the word “person”. I have a bad habit of writing papers and it sounding like I’m talking to the person and telling them a story and using “you”, “your”, and so on. Hence the reason why I write blogs and not research papers, I feel like I’m just talking to someone like I talk to my friends or family. Which gets me to my constructive criticism comment from my mother, one of my sentences in my paper was making a joke about some of the side effects and it was something I would say on a daily basis and it may have been a little inappropriate for a research paper, but what the hell it was funny. My mom and Krista had told me I should take that sentence out. I later on did do so, but when I was trying to fix my paper and pretty much figure out how to put into “formal” words on what I was trying to say I started to get really frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t do so and I should be able to at the age of 20 like most of my friends can.

As I sat there at the computer giving myself a stress headache, thinking I write like a 5th grader, feeling defeated at the fact I couldn’t write up to my grade level and not really being able to take a paper seriously. Something popped in my head at that very moment and I couldn’t tell you why, but it did. A few weeks ago I had sent out a text to a few people asking what I should blog about because I was sitting in class like a lost cause. Anyways, this was one of the responses I had gotten “Blog about the US spying on everyone in Europe?”.  My response to this one was “If I were highly educated in that area lol I feel like it would turn into short story based on Spy Kids if I tried that topic.”  Yup, I said if I were highly educated in that area and It would turn into a Spy Kids story. Now not only do I think writing research papers is not on my top list of my many skills, but I guess I couldn’t write about the US spying on Europe. When In reality I really can if I tried, I tend to stand in my own way with a lot of things. I guess I just don’t take myself seriously with any sort of subject I’ve struggled in because I don’t really think I’m capable of understanding it. That stops tonight.

I was so determined to prove myself wrong that I decided the next day I was going to research about the US spying on Europe. I found out some really interesting stuff. I lived in New York for a year and half and had no idea there was a European Union building on Third Avenue. So that’s pretty sweet. I also found out that apparently Obama had made a statement to multiple foreign governments that NSA is just trying to get information ahead of time from Europe, so they are able to complete whatever intense foreign task is thrown to them at the time without any speed bumps per-say. He also stated that “We do not have an interest in doing anything other than that”. Later reading, I found out that NSA had gotten into the Europeans computer network between New York and Washington and also used US embassies abroad to actually listen to video conferences between Europeans and United Nations Diplomats. Well all I can say is after doing a little research on this is, I don’t know about you guys but I wouldn’t be to happy if NSA was spying on my shit and I’m an American. Then again their Americans, were all curious little bastards.

I really did this blog for myself. To prove to myself that I can do something even when I think it’s out of the question because I know nothing about it, even though It might take some time to learn a few things. Anything that’s worth having takes time. Including education. So as frustrated as I know I’m going to get with this paper and many future papers, I just have to be patient. I have to soak up as much composition knowledge as possible and take myself more seriously when it comes to school papers. I’ve realized there is many sides of people. Good and bad. When it comes to me I’ve realized, I can be funny, and I can be book smart. Its just going to take some time and dedication to be able to be both.

Signed a girl ready to write her little ass off as a 20 year old.